In this moment, my heart is desiring to be desired.
I want the passion, the romance, I want to be pursued! I want a man to be so crazy for me he will do whatever it takes to get to know me. I want a man to think about me and fall passionately in love with me and shout it to the world for everyone to see. I want a man to steal glances at me or watch me from a distance in awe and wonderment. I want romance. I want love. Yes, I got Jesus, but this desire I believe God has placed in me as well. Even in this moment, I've tried to encourage myself by reading poems I've written or letters I've written in the past, listening to songs even reading scriptures to get me out of this place. Nothing helps. Hearing God right now isn't very possible because my heart is bleating so loud with the CRIES of this longing.
My dream is to be married. I've denied my heart this desire and trying to convince myself that I'm good without it. I don't want to be single, I want to be married, I want a family, that is one of my biggest dreams.
I can't 'try' to convince myself any longer that I am fully satisfied being single. I can't 'try' to hope anymore. I don't have it in me. I can't 'try' to encourage myself any longer...it is exhausting....
Allowing myself to be totally honest, completely vulnerable, absolutely naked in such this tender place is all I have left....will this moment past? Yes, it will eventually. I just got to trust that God's heart is intermingled in this as well....He knows where I am and where I am going...He knows what's happening behind the stage and what is brewing....HE KNOWS WHERE THIS LEADS....
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